Most of us aren’t saints. We’re also not monks on mountaintops. We’re people with jobs, families, bills, and a limited supply of emotional bandwidth. So, if you’re carrying old hurts, whatever they may be, it’s exhausting. It steals your sleep, joy, and, most of all, your attention on what really matters in living your life to the full.
A blog about the mistakes, misjudgements, and lost years we punish ourselves for.
Just this week, I found out that the mental anguish of a perpetrator is just as real as that of the person who was wounded some 50 years ago, and that was from someone who was aware of the mental wound they had caused, but most don’t give a thought to the fact that they hurt the feelings of someone else.
We have all felt at times that we weren’t treated as we expected, and we didn’t treat others as they expected. You don’t have to go far from parents and children to know what I mean.
Very often, these things play on our minds until they grow out of all proportion to the slip-up committed by us or to us sometimes years ago.
Alternative Words.
Forgiveness is probably a word that no one likes to use, as it implies someone is innocent or you’re pretending the hurt didn’t matter. Why not try other words, such as letting go, moving on, drawing a line under it, or closing the book? Each carries the same emotional function, freeing yourself from the weight of the past without the moral heaviness that “I forgive you” sometimes implies.
Releasing this mental blockage gives you back your energy. Break it down, forgiveness isn’t weakness, approval, or reconciliation. It is letting go without saying “I Forgive You”
There’s a strange pressure in modern life to be endlessly gracious. We’re told that forgiveness is noble, cleansing, even mandatory if we want to be “good people.” But the truth is more complicated. Some hurts don’t vanish with a polite phrase. Some wounds don’t close just because we’ve said the magic word.
And many people feel uncomfortable saying “I forgive you. “Not because they’re bitter, but because the phrase feels too big, too final, too much like rewriting or reliving history.
So, what do you do when you don’t want to hold onto resentment, but you also don’t want to pretend the past didn’t happen?
You choose something quieter, more honest, and far more human than “Forgiveness” Forgiveness carries centuries of moral weight. It suggests: The slate is wiped clean. The relationship returns to normal. The hurt is resolved. The other person is absolved.
But life isn’t a courtroom, and you’re not a judge. You’re a human being trying to make sense of what happened and how to move forward without dragging the past behind you like a broken suitcase.
Sometimes forgiveness feels like giving away too much power. Sometimes it feels like letting someone off the hook before they’ve even acknowledged what they did. And sometimes it simply doesn’t fit the situation.
Release: The Practical Alternative. Release is different. The release states: “I’m not carrying this anymore.” I’m not letting this memory drain my energy. I’m choosing peace over rumination. I don’t need to apologise or get an apology to move on. Release doesn’t require reconciliation. It doesn’t require the other person to change. It doesn’t even require a conversation.
It’s an internal decision: I’m done letting this live rent-free in my head.
Letting go isn’t the same as pretending nothing happened. It’s not denial. It’s not a weakness. It’s not surrender. Its strength.
It’s the moment you decide that your future deserves more attention than your past. It’s the moment you stop rehearsing the same scene in your mind and start writing the next chapter.
You can release someone and keep your boundaries. You can release someone and still say, “That wasn’t okay. “You can release someone and still choose not to let them back into your life.
Release is freedom without the performance. Release gives you back your energy. It’s not about the other person. It’s about reclaiming your own mind.
A Simple Line That Works
If you ever need a phrase that feels honest but not confrontational, try:
“I’m not holding onto this anymore, but I’m also not pretending it didn’t matter.”
It’s clean. It’s dignified. It’s true
Would you carry someone else’s luggage around every day for a lifetime that you didn’t like?
Release isn’t about letting someone “off the hook.” It’s about refusing to let the past keep renting space in your head. It’s an act of reclaiming control.
Release as freedom is a rich theme for this time of year because it sits right at the intersection of the past and the future, but I suppose you could say that any day of the week.
Release is less about kindness and more about liberation. It can also fit in with autonomy, dignity, rebellion, and lived experience, releasing the weight you don’t realise you’re carrying